sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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