just tell him i said nine months
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize