It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
