New low: just hacked my moms facebook
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize