I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
