What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize