Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
