best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
