HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
