he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
