You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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