We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
