i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
