I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize