I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize