I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
