# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
