Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
