i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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