Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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