woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize