I cannot find my penis.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
