I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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