So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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