Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
