Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
