The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
