so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
