loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
pray to the hookup gods
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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