My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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