Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
this just has baby written all over it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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