My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
