she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
