There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
