Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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