I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
