So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
