dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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