Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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