My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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