youre lurking in front of me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
