I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
