Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
