I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
