Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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