Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
