I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
