Dignity is for republicans.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
