you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
