Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
