if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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