i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
