great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
