i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
