girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The adults are the big ones right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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