he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
