I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
