I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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