dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
