Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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