I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
