i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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