whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
