If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Be still, my beating vagina.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize