i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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