its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
